


No Pets Allowed: A Coffee Shop AU

by mxfictiondaydreamer



Category: Kill la Kill
Genre: Amputation, Body Horror, Choking, Coffee, Crack, F/F, Fetish, Food, Horror, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Life Fibers, Mind Control, Oral, Petplay, Roleplay, Smut, Spanking, Strap-On, Urine, Vomit, coffee shop AU, crack smut, glass, scalding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 08:37:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2541311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxfictiondaydreamer/pseuds/mxfictiondaydreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a long morning of errands, Grand Couturier Harime Nui takes her pet into a coffee shop for some R&R (refreshments & really fucked-up shit). Oh dear, why is everyone leaving?</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Pets Allowed: A Coffee Shop AU

**Author's Note:**

> Absolute crack smut. Body horror, bodily functions, gore, and extreme kink.

It was a bright, sweltering hot day in Honnou City. Birds were chirping. Flowers were blooming. People were flocking to the local café to take refuge from the heat. The line was long, almost out the door, with people patiently awaiting their cool iced drinks. At the front of the line, they ordered their iced teas, iced lattes, and frappes. The baristas struggled to keep up.

Suddenly, the front door was ripped off its hinges. In stepped a petite young woman with a big grin, dressed from head to toe in matching frilly ombre pink: a sweet Lolita style dress, calf-high boots, a choker and earrings with hearts on them, and an oversized bow on her blonde hair, which would have hit the floor had it not been perfectly curled. She had one blue eye and a fancy fuchsia eyepatch on the other side. Something about her face spelled trouble.

“Ah, busy day today!” she observed in a singsong voice. She tugged a thin red leash, and a nine-foot beast obediently followed in. The beast blinked with her two mismatched yellowed eyes, one of which may have been missing a pupil. She drooled from her two lipless mouths, one on her face and the other where her hips would be. Most of her weight rested on her huge left arm, a twisted length of cubes dreamed up by some midcentury modern artist. Her right arm was smaller and had incorporated a scissor blade into its flesh. The red of her leash and collar, as well as the red highlights in her otherwise black hair, contrasted with the calm turquoise tone of her skin. The rest of her resembled a human woman; her breasts, stomach, and legs all looked strikingly normal in comparison to the rest of her.

 

“Oh, would you look at that! The line cleared! We are so lucky, Ryuko-chan!” the girl cheered as customers ran out the back door screaming. Parents covered their children’s eyes as they picked them up and ran. Soon the baristas were gone as well, all but one.  
“They left their coffee! What a terrible waste!" the girl exclaimed. She went up to the counter and ordered to the barista shaking in his boots. “One medium iced vanilla latte with extra cream, please!” 

“I’m sorry miss, we don’t allow pets at this establishment,” the barista spat out, his eyes darting back and forth between the monster and the door. 

The girl pouted and petted her monster’s right arm affectionately. 

“So, I’m afraid I must ask you to leave…and take that…thing…with you.”

“That’s too bad. I wasn’t aware you had a no-pets policy,” said the girl, “In fact, I’ve seen dogs in here all the time. Let me speak to the manager.” 

“I am the manager at this location,” said the barista, still shaking but not losing his resolve. 

“Oh, well then who’s your manager?” 

“I’m afraid you’ll have to talk to corporate…here’s their card…please, just leave…” 

“I’m afraid we have a misunderstanding, Mr. Barista…” she said, twisting the leash in her hand. “I am your manager!” Live red threads flung from her fingertips and lodged themselves in the barista’s head. He immediately stopped shaking and returned to normal. “Oh…you’re right. I’m sorry about that, miss.” 

“Ah, don’t worry about it. Just don’t do it again,” she said, petting his head. “Now go and get an iced vanilla latte for your boss. And what do you want, my dear?” The monster girl nudged her owner and stared at her intently. The girl shook her head. “Na-ah! Remember what happened last time you had caffeine? You left a hole in my bedroom wall!” Ryuko grunted and hung her head in shame. “You can have a caffeine-free drink, my pet! Vanilla crème frappe?” Ryuko perked up and opened her enormous toothy mouth in approval. Her huge tongue fell out in the process. 

“One vanilla crème frappe for my pet! Make it an extra-large, my Ryuko’s got a big appetite!” She stroked her pet’s humanlike belly admiringly. Ryuko’s low, raspy grumbling somewhat resembled a purr. “That’s my big baby kitty! Always purring for me when I pet her belly!” 

“What a good pet,” the barista agreed as he poured the crème frappe ingredients into the blender and hit the button. 

Ryuko opened her monstrous mouth. “Aww, look at that! She’s smiling!” The barista smiled back at her and waved as he poured the contents of the blender into a glass.

Ryuko grunted at the girl lovingly, bent down and touched her fangs to her master’s cheek. Nui giggled. 

The barista came back with exactly what Nui had ordered and applied a thick mountain of house-made whipped cream to the frappe. Nui clapped her hands. “Ah, they’re perfect!” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a huge wad of cash. "Here you go, mister! This should more than make up for the damage,” she sang.

“What damage?” 

“Don’t worry about it! You won’t be having any more customers today, so I’m giving you the rest of the day off!” 

“Thank you, miss…” 

“Harime Nui,” she chimed as she closed her one eye and picked up the drinks. “Bye bye now!” 

With that, the barista gathered his things and headed out the door. He whipped his phone out of his pocket and called someone cheerfully to say he had the day off.

 

Nui whipped around and gave the crème frappe to Ryuko, who took it in her bladed right hand. “Careful not to spill, my pet!” Ryuko grunted and held the cup with all of her fingers. “We can sit at a booth, my darling. This should have enough space for you,” she said, gesturing to a booth by the window. 

Nui sat down cheerfully at a booth, smoothing her dress. Ryuko followed slowly, clumsily, and sat down across from Nui, making sure not to spill any of her drink before setting it on the table. “There you go!” Ryuko grunted and pulled her head up proudly. 

Nui crossed her ankles under the table and sipped her drink. “Mm! Pure heaven! A delicate balance of sweet and bitter.” She pulled two straws from the dispenser, put one in her drink, and stirred, the ice clinking in the glass. Ryuko was starting to extend her long tongue into her drink, but she was interrupted by Nui. “Ah-ah,” she scolded. “What am I teaching you about table manners?” 

Ryuko withdrew her tongue and slurped it back up into her mouth.

“That’s right, no tongue extensions for eating and drinking!” She opened a straw for her and put it in her frappe with two delicate fingers. Ryuko leaned down just enough to sip through her straw. Nui sat back and admired her, sipping her drink and swinging her legs a little under the table. “Good girl!” 

Ryuko grunted and looked up at the clock.

“That’s right, it’s noon! We’ve been running errands for Lady Ragyo all morning! I really needed this refreshment! How about you, dear?” 

Ryuko opened her mouth a little in agreement. 

Nui looked out the window at the sunny courtyard, admiring all the people walking by. Some of them looked inside, saw Ryuko, panicked, and ran away. “Oh, what a perfect view! It’d be a shame to have it go to waste…” said Nui, grinning. Ryuko looked out the window and opened her mouth in agreement. 

Nui stood up on her seat and reached to the top of the window. As she opened it, she declared loudly, “Ryuko-chan, I want everyone to know how good you are with your tongue!” 

Ryuko let out a high-pitched groan from her open mouth. Her eye twitched a little and her tongue slowly began to descend. 

Nui giggled and clapped her gloved hands together. “Let’s begin on the table! It has the best view!” She knelt down on the table with a flourish facing Ryuko. “I so love a good licking! Ooh, I can’t wait to get started!” 

She reached up her ruffled skirt and hooked her thumbs in her pale pink panties. “Ooh, Ryuko-chan, look! I’m so ready!” She began peeling off her panties, which got momentarily stuck in the middle because they were soaked. “Mmm.” She dropped them to the floor. Ryuko’s tongue dripped. Nui watched intently as it slowly descended from Ryuko’s mouth. Meanwhile, she dipped her middle and index fingers in her mouth and lowered them to her clit, rubbing in circles. “I’m just too excited, pet! I can’t wait!” 

Finally Ryuko’s tongue made it to the girl's excited opening, and Nui lifted her hand to make room as Ryuko’s tongue licked up her delicate folds and around her clitoris. “Oooh, your tongue is so sweet and rough, Ryuko-chan! So nice!” Nui smiled admiringly at Ryuko’s long tongue at work. “Mmm, that feels so good!” 

She looked out the window at passerby, relishing in her role as the unholy liaison between the public outside and her excellently skilled pet. Most failed to notice the unusual sight of a giant monster going down on a frilly girl in a coffee shop, but some looked inside and got wide-eyed at what they saw before running away screaming. Nui made eye contact with them indiscriminately one after another, and every time she did, she breathed a little harder, she moaned a little louder. Each interaction lasted not more than a few seconds but it was all she needed. Soon she was screaming and kicking her cute little boots on the edge of the table in orgasm. 

Ryuko drooled in response and started to retract her tongue. 

“I’m not done, girl! Keep going!” 

Ryuko huffed, opened her mouth, and lowered her tongue again. Nui kept her skirt lifted for easy access. Again Ryuko went to work on Nui, and Nui wailed loudly from the sensation of the monster girl's rough tongue. She squealed with delight as she locked eyes with a horrified stranger, and as he ran away screaming, bumping into other people in the crowd, she came again, kicking the table and shaking it. 

She looked up lovingly at Ryuko and stuck her wet fingers in her mouth. “More,” she commanded. Ryuko obediently kept licking. Nui jumped a little and let out a high-pitched squeak. A stranger outside had turned his head at the noise and was staring, screaming. Nui blew him a little kiss. 

She turned back to Ryuko. “Harder!” Ryuko slurped and rolled her tongue harder, faster. Nui let out a high-pitched scream, kicking and violently shaking the table with her. The whole crowd outside turned their heads at the sound and ran away for dear life. Nui moaned at the sight and rode out her orgasm for a full minute, her dark blue eye rolling back as she lay limp on her back. “Inside!” Nui commanded. Ryuko opened her mouth, extended her tongue a little longer, and inserted it into Nui’s vagina. 

“Ungh!” she grunted. “Yes, my pet! Right there!” 

Nui thrashed and screamed as Ryuko licked inside her, biting her fingers in mock effort to contain the noise. Soon her screams became more high-pitched, and by the time she came, she made the windows shake. 

Ryuko slowly retreated her tongue and let out a slow croaking noise. 

When she was finished, Nui let out a long contented sigh, and Ryuko slurped her tongue back up into her mouth. 

“Thank you my pet,” Nui crooned from her relaxed position. She was covered in fluids from the hip down. 

“Ah, I’d like to try something different. That kitchen over there looks so sexy! Don’t you think, Ryuko-chan?” 

Ryuko blinked. 

Nui burst out laughing. “Come help me find something nice in the kitchen, my sweet pet!” she called back to her monster as she sauntered up to the kitchen.

Ryuko stumbled after her, her limp leash trailing behind.

Nui stood in front of the counter and, with a flick of her finger, ordered Ryuko to go in the kitchen. 

Ryuko obeyed. 

Nui got a few giggles out before promptly slipping into roleplaying mode. She stood aghast at the menu, reading diligently and putting a finger to the bottom of her mouth as if trying to decide what to get. 

“Hello, Miss Barista! I’ve decided what I want!” 

Ryuko turned her head toward Nui and opened her mouth. A drop of drool fell from her teeth. 

“I would like…a pot of coffee! You don’t even have to put it in a cup, I want it as-is!” 

Ryuko turned behind her, located the steaming pot of coffee, and carefully set it on the counter in front of Nui. 

Nui cackled. “Oh, this is going to be so delightful!” she declared with a closed eye and an open grin. 

She hoisted herself up on the counter with a girlish grunt and immediately began pleasuring herself, swinging her legs over the counter and moaning indulgently. She looked outside, the window farther away now. People were covering their children's eyes, grabbing their bags and running away. 

“Ohhh, those people look so frightened! They look like they’ve never seen a girl enjoying herself before!” 

Behind her, Ryuko was tilting her head back and pouring whipped cream into her mouth straight from the can. 

“You’re so silly, Ryuko-chan!” Nui giggled, then returned to moaning. 

Ryuko played in the kitchen with wonderment. She opened a drawer, found a spoon, gazed at it, and bent it in her big hand with a horrible crunch. It dropped to the floor with a clink. She grunted excitedly. Next, she found the espresso machine and tried turning it on. It did nothing, so she huffed, scooped the espresso grounds with her right hand, and ate them sloppily. They fell all over her body and the floor. 

“Oh, no, my pet. Don’t do that!” Nui exclaimed, still masturbating. 

Ryuko dropped the espresso grounds from her hand and stopped eating them. She rummaged through cupboards, slicing open bags of coffee beans with her scissor hand and making sounds that resembled a large dog being tickled. 

“Ahahaha, sweetie, you have such a sense of humor!” 

Ryuko kept opening cupboard after cupboard. She threw silverware everywhere, distributed the coffee filters, poured sugar all over the floor, grabbed the sweets from the display cabinet and ate them in clenched mismatched fists. 

Soon Ryuko was in the refrigerator, emptying the milk cartons into her mouth, paying no attention to the amount she was spilling. When she was done, she took the remaining cartons of milk and cream and tossed them across the room, where they split open and the contents splashed out. She put her right hand on her hip and let out a satisfied grunt. 

Next she set her attention on the blender. She opened it and looked around the room with perky jerks of her head, focusing on each item until she found the perfect smoothie ingredients: lightbulbs and vanilla syrup. She reached up to two of the lamps hanging from the ceiling to unscrew and retrieve their sexy 40watt bulbs. She tossed those in with a very proud drizzling of vanilla syrup from two bottles at once. The remainder of the syrup went in her mouth, of course, and she hit blend. The blender made the most horrible crushing and breaking noises with the glass. Ryuko attempted to clap. 

“That sound is so sexy!” exclaimed Nui breathily, “I’m getting all hot and bothered! It’s time for my coffee!” She picked up the pot of coffee and poured it all over herself, screaming. The steam wafted off her skin gracefully, the dark brown rivers of coffee spilling quickly all over her body and staining her dress as she screamed in painful climax. 

When she was done, she simply threw the empty coffee pot across the room and laughed as it crashed. 

Nui’s entire outfit was ruined. Her pigtails were sagging, no longer in their perfect coils. Most of her dress was stained, as were her boots and gloves. Her bow was soaked and falling out of her hair. She was dripping coffee from head to toe and still steaming. 

She looked behind her at Ryuko, who was drooling a huge string from her mouth to the floor. All of the cupboards were open and the coffee bags were spilling everywhere. 

One cupboard was filled with glasses. “I have an idea, my pet!” 

Ryuko tilted her head and focused on Nui. 

“Those glasses! Get them out of the cupboard, stand over there, and throw them at me! It will be so much fun!” 

Ryuko slowly opened her mouth and grabbed some glasses with her smaller hand. She attempted to transfer them to her left hand, but they fell down in the process. Nui laughed. Ryuko took out all of the glasses and lumbered over to the spot where Nui had pointed, several feet in front of the counter. 

She grunted and huffed, lifted an arm, and sent a glass hurling at Nui. Nui burst out laughing and didn’t bother to duck or lean to avoid the glass. It flew past her and burst when it hit the wall behind her. “Better luck next time, dearie!” 

Ryuko let out a nasal grunt. 

She threw another, and again it crashed on the wall. 

“You’d better step up your game, girl!” 

Ryuko huffed. 

Another glass sent hurling at the wall and shattered. 

Nui masturbated some more. “All this breaking glass has me so hot and bothered, Ryuko-chan! Keep going!” 

Ryuko threw another glass and it hit Nui hard in the face, knocking her back a few inches. 

“Ung!” 

The glass fell down on the floor in front of her and broke. 

“So hot…” she breathed. 

Ryuko threw another glass. It whizzed past Nui’s head, a near-hit, and crashed loudly on the wall. 

Ryuko threw the last glass. It landed square in Nui’s face, shattered, and left several shards behind, bleeding. Nui screamed and shook violently. Blood ran from the cuts in her face. Nui finished by slowly withdrawing her fingers to wipe the blood from her face and bring it to her mouth. 

“Scrumptious, my dear!” 

Ryuko opened her mouth and drooled. She looked down and noticed there weren’t any more glasses. 

“Now, come here and help me clean this mess. I need to get the glass out of my face, so why don’t you get me a spatula?” 

Ryuko went back behind the counter, opened the drawer, and got out a white silicone spatula. 

“Ah, that’s the one. Now, hit me with it!” 

Ryuko turned her head. 

“Pick me up with your big hand and spank me with that spatula!” she said cheerfully. 

Ryuko did as she was told; she used her huge hand to pick up the girl from her waist and hips, bent her over, and spanked her with the spatula. 

Nui squeaked a little. “Is that all you can do? Come on, pet! I know you can do harder than that!” 

Ryuko spanked her much harder, making her wet hair fly in front of her head. 

“That’s better! Harder, my pet!” 

Ryuko spanked Nui with the spatula with all her strength, jerking her forward with each hit. Nui screamed. The glass came flying out of her face and fell on the floor in a sharp bloody mess. 

“All better now!” she declared. Ryuko carefully, slowly put her down and watched with interest as Nui’s face healed instantly, leaving only a few streams of blood on her fresh healthy skin. Nui smiled. "My regeneration skills come in handy!" she cheered. "One of the many perks of being life fiber! What do you like about it, my dear?"

Ryuko lifted her gigantic fist in the air and dropped it heavily on a nearby chair, crushing it. She made a noise like a sea lion.

"You've always liked breaking stuff! You silly creature, you!" Nui jabbed her gently in the side. "So, what do you want to do with your master next?"

Ryuko made a clicking noise and shrugged.

“Mmm, how would you feel about using the strap-on, dearest?” 

Ryuko opened her mouth and drooled. 

Nui giggled. She went over to the table where she and Ryuko had sat earlier, picked up her purse, and retrieved from it a large fuchsia strap-on set that matched her eye patch. 

“Come here, baby!” 

Ryuko made a low grumbling noise, focused completely on Nui, and walked over to her. 

Nui sang a little song as she opened the snaps on the harness, put them around Ryuko’s big toothy hips, snapped them into place, and adjusted their tightness. 

“You look so pretty, Ryuko-chan!” 

Ryuko blushed; some dark pink attempted to appear on her pretty turquoise skin and it turned purple. 

“I don’t know about youuu…but I feel like using a fresh table!” 

Nui looked around and plopped herself onto a nearby table. She lay down and lifted her skirt. “Fuck me, Ryuko-chan!” 

Ryuko stood over Nui and inserted the dildo carefully. Nui whined as it slowly sank in. “Go faster, pet!” Ryuko did as she was told, huffing and putting most of her weight on the table using her giant arm. 

“Choke me!” 

Ryuko tilted her head and blinked. 

“You heard me; choke me, pet! Put your fingers down my throat and choke me!” 

Ryuko shakily lifted her smaller hand up to Nui’s face and stuck two long, humanlike fingers into the girl’s open mouth and reached for the back of her throat. Nui gagged, but Ryuko continued to satisfy her.

Nui coughed and sputtered. Ryuko opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue in response. She added another finger to the girl's mouth and went all the way in. 

Nui convulsed in a violent climax, losing all voluntary muscle control and urinating all over Ryuko in the process. Vanilla latte vomit spewed from her mouth like a horrible fountain. She choked on it a few times before tapping the beast on the shoulder to indicate she was done. Ryuko withdrew her fingers and dildo from her master so she could roll over and cough the liquid vomit out of her lungs. It splashed all over the table, Nui's once-perfect outfit and soggy hair. After a few minutes the vomiting turned to dry-heaving. Ryuko stood by with her head held up proudly. Nui sat up in her mess and giggled. 

 

“Ahh, now that that’s done, put me down and we can do something for you!” 

Ryuko put down Nui and opened her mouth. Her tongue started extending. Nui grinned. 

Nui looked at each table in the café thoughtfully. “Oh no, those tables won’t do. Get on the floor, my pet.” 

Ryuko flopped down on the floor, shaking the furniture as she fell. 

Nui went over to her and stroked her cheek. “I’m going to give you a good time, my sweet pet!” 

Ryuko opened her mouth some more and licked her with a sloppy tongue. 

“Ooh, that’s nice! Get under my eye patch, baby!” 

Ryuko obliged. 

Nui giggled and clapped her hands. 

Ryuko put her tongue away and drool dropped to the floor. 

Nui hummed a tune cheerfully and ran her hand along the blood on Ryuko’s chest, continuing down her beautiful turquoise skin to her second set of teeth. 

“I bet you have a vagina in there, Ryuko-chan!” 

Ryuko groaned and opened her mouth. She attempted to stroke Nui’s hair with her dilapidated right hand. Nui cooed. 

“Open your hip-mouth so I can reach! I can’t get in there with all those teeth!” 

Ryuko strained to open her second set of teeth. They dripped. 

Nui cheerfully stuck her hand in there and felt around. “Oh yes, Ryuko-chan! You do have a vagina! And it’s so nice and big! I can fit my whole hand in here, no problem!” 

As she slid her hand further in, her whole arm disappeared behind that row of teeth. 

“You’re so cute, my dear!” 

Ryuko grunted slowly in response. Her head tilted back and she blinked her huge eyes at the ceiling. 

“You like that, sweetie?” 

Ryuko opened her mouth some more and her tongue fell out. 

Moments later, Ryuko’s grunts became more excited, and she started squirming. 

Her lower teeth clamped down on Nui’s arm reflexively until it detached from her body. 

Nui screamed, “My arm!” Her shoulder gushed blood like a fire hydrant all over the girls and the café floor. Ryuko sat up quickly. Her grunts sounded like sobbing and there were tears pouring down her face. 

“Aww, I know it was an accident, Ryuko-chan! I’ll be okay, just open your lower mouth and I’ll get my arm out!” 

Slowly, shakily, Ryuko opened her lower mouth. Nui hummed a little tune as she picked up her missing arm, which squelched on its way out, and stuck it back in.  
“See, dearie, good as new!” she cheered, waving her arm around. She wiped the tears from Ryuko’s face with both hands and stuck them in her mouth. “Mmm! Yummy, yummy tears!"

“Don’t you worry, Ryuko-chan! Orgasm actually happens in the brain. With my mental refitting, I’ve got you covered!” 

With that, she waved her fingers in the air, and dozens of shining red threads made their way into Ryuko’s brain. Ryuko convulsed on the floor and liquid spurted from both her mouths onto the puddle of blood on the floor.

“Was that good, my pet?” 

Ryuko groaned and opened her mouth. 

Nui danced around in her coffee-stained outfit and pet Ryuko on the head. 

“I’m going to finish my latte and then we can get going. Okay, my sweet?” 

Ryuko opened her mouth. 

Nui danced back to their table, picked up her latte with delicate fingers, and sipped it through the straw. 

When she was finished with it, she tossed it behind her and turned back to Ryuko. “Ready?” 

Nui picked up the leash, and the two of them started walking through the puddles of fluid and glass, toward the broken door at the entrance. Nui turned her head and vomited as they walked out the door.


End file.
